Song Description

Woman discovers her husband is having an affair -- silly and funny.

Lyrics

I cleaned the kitchen with non-fluoridated toothpaste
I ran the vacuum cleaner on the leaves and lawn
I checked the birdfeed, and it had a little weird taste
I tried to find his chainsaw for the third time
I guess he's really gone

I called my preacher, ordered gluten-free lasagna
He said, "I'm worried about you, dear, you seem withdrawn."
I baked a pie with forks and knives and marijuana
I tried to find his revolver for the third time
I guess he's really gone

Chorus 1
My Daddy said he's just a loser
with the IQ of a question mark
My Mama said he's just a goober, and
bless his sorry, southern heart

I jumped into my bright red Mustang, and I squealed out
I went to Arby's, Hardee's, Mac's and Taco Bell
and there he was getting nachos at the take-out
Right beside him laughing was some blonde
and now I'm mad as hell

I pulled my car right up behind his, and I bumped it
I saw the look of horror show up on his face
I smiled my sweetest southern smile, and then I floored it
I pushed his Dodge Ram truck to the courthouse
and now I rest my case


Chorus 2
The judge, he said, that boy's a loser
to mess around on his fine wife
The jury said he's quite a looker
and sentenced him to life


Bridge
Well, by now I guess you know I've made this all up
It was just my anger talking, you know that
I'm genteel, that was just a little hiccup
Where's the baseball bat?

Chorus 3
You can say anything about anybody
as long as you say the second part
You can say his you-know-what is short and tiny, and
bless his sorry, southern heart

Chorus 3

Spoken:
"OK, that last part isn't true, either. I'm just bein' vindictive, you sorry son-of-a-gun."


© Carlene McDearis Wentworth